07.09.04 - 4:12 p.m.
I've decided that I have neither the energy nor the wisdom to even begin to explain the latest twists... so i leave to the e-mail correspondance between myself, and my lovely friend Z to explain. As a side note, Z is an amazing amazing chick. brilliant and more independent than any woman i know.
read on gentle readers, read on....
From: Z
Date: Mon, 5 Jul 2004 11:44:05 �0400
To: AM
Subject: Finally getting some
After being hit on and asked for dates by someone different nearly every day last week (I still got it baby), but finding myself not interested in expending all the effort associated with the process of getting to know someone (except the one lawyer who asked me out when he was drunk and then didn' t follow up, dammit), I made the executive decision last night to elevate one of my friends to fuck-buddy status. It's about freakin' time.
I think there may be an issue of bringing him to a friend-with-benefits understanding, rather that a girlfriend/boyfriend understanding�.any reccomendations on how to do that successfully? I thought we were on the same page yesterday, but a few emails this morning are a bit suspect.
Everything else is same-old�took an articling job in Ottawa, did I tell you already?
What's new?
Z
From: AM
Date: Fri Jul 9, 2004 11:46:03 AM America/Montreal
To: Z
Subject: Re: Finally getting some
you still got it baby.... fo sure!
its about freaking time is right. did you strain anything? i imagine some muscles were practically atrophied from lack of use...;)
ahh, fuck man, don't ask me this week, i've just been through dating roller coaster equivalent of magic mountain...
oh, me & s**** broke up, did i tell you that?
anyways, met a guy. slept with him immediately. got to know him, he's awesome. we spend four days in each other's pockets in one of those, weird, getting to know you phases, complete with hand holding and constant sex. his name is R***. he makes me laugh CONSTANTLY, i love it, super dry and sarcastic.
then he says he just wants to be friends. after the hand holding and the making future plans and all the shit you normally associate with someone being on the same page as you. big carpet from under my feet, i mean, i truly didn't see it coming at all.
so i try the friend thing. and i don't know if i'm his friend, or if i'm just falling more and more in like. (frankly after three or four days, i'm at the base point of "gee, you seem cool, lets spend more time to see where this could go" or i'm like "go away". rarely, if ever do i say "i really like you, lets be friends" after three days with this type of connection. only once did i decide i loved someone after three days. but i was younger, more optimistic and less cynical then, chances of that happening again are SLIM.) i find myself during this friend stage, sitting with him, wishing i could lean over and kiss him, in the middle of conversations. generally, i don't get that urge with my friends.
oh, then my period is a little late. in the middle of that we sleep together again. several times. my period is no longer late. we still sleep together, cuddle, hang out every freakin night. seriously.
he does cute stuff. like, i was having a bad day at work, so he showed up unannounced at my apartment after work with lemonade and strawberries. cute, huh?
then last night, with the panic audible in his voice, i get the "i just want to be friends". FUCKING AGAIN... I NEVER FUCKING SAW IT COMING FUCKING AGAIN. i must be turning into the biggest freaking moron when it comes to reading guys. seriously, i had NO IDEA i was not on the same page again... the way it happened, it just seemed like we got close again, and it seemed so cool, i couldn't bring myself to believe i was the only one feeling it.
the upshot of this being, that i am not the one to give advice right now, seeing as i feel like a fucking moron. that, and i really liked this guy.
if i were to give advice, i would say have a frank, blunt discussion about expectations. ASAP. he might fuck off, but its better than hurting his wee little heart.
i want to take the LSAT in the fall. tell me more.
are you in ottawa now? we should meet up in montreal for a day or something. what are you up to this weekend?
AM
From: Z
Date: Fri, 9 Jul 2004 15:29:41 �0400
To: AM
Subject: Re: finally getting some
Ugh, your poor heart. That SUCKS. Perhaps the word 'friend' is used differently by the two of you, because he seems perfectly willing to exhibit some more-than-friends behaviour, if not the label.
>loved someone after three days. but i was younger, more optimistic and less >cynical then, chances of that happening again are SLIM.)
I hear ya. If it ever happens again, I will immediately marry him, I think. Anyone who can break through the cynical side wins.
>then last night, with the panic audible in his voice, i get the "i just want to be friends". >FUCKING AGAIN... I NEVER FUCKING SAW IT COMING FUCKING >AGAIN. i must be turning into the biggest freaking moron when it comes to reading >guys. seriously, i had NO IDEA i was not on the same page again... the way it >happened, it just seemed like we got close again, and it seemed so cool, i couldn't >bring myself to believe i was the only one feeling it.
Jesus, don't take it personally or doubt your guy-reading abilities. Clearly he doesn't play by the same body-language rules as the normal populace.
I rarely like someone who doesn't like me back, but when it happens, I get abnormally devastated. It's because we're so fantastic that this rarely happens to us, you know, so we're not used to it. Clearly this lad is totally fucked up.
>if i were to give advice, i would say have a frank, blunt discussion about >expectations. ASAP. he might fuck off, but its better than hurting his wee little >heart.
I think it was a false alarm. We set a date for Saturday (ie. a whole week after make-out session #1) during which we are clearly (I hope to God) going to have sex for the first time, and our rate of weekday conversation has not changed from when we were just platonic buddies. I anticipate this going just about perfectly all around, so long as no one we go to school with finds out about it.
>i want to take the LSAT in the fall. tell me more.
God, why? You're a glutton for punishment. Call soon and I'll tell you anything and everything.
>are you in ottawa now? we should meet up in montreal for a day or something. >what are you up to this weekend?
I wish - I won't move there until May 2005. Got an articling spot with the Dept of Justice. Am wondering (ie. freaking) about whether it's the right way to go.
We'll chat soon!
Z
�
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fucked up before - fucked up after
